why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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