I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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