You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh god the rape fog is back!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
