I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
