True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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