My brain says no but my pants say off.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
