i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
