She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
