TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
