so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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