Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
