I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
