I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
