She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
