I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
