I love black thongs
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
