OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
