cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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