you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
