The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
