you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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