Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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