why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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