Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
