my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
