Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
