There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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