Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
