so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
