batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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