I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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