Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
