there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
