Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I look better un-naked...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
