Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
