Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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