I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
