first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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