Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
