Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
