apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
