I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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