mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
