dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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