Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
