i'm signing you up for texting rehab
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
