Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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