i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
