Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
