dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
