I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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